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“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” – Lao Tzu
There are millions of addicts who live across the landscape of our world. Some people think everybody is addicted to something. Likely true. Yet, many of us are controlled by our addictions to the point that it is killing us. Millions die every year directly or indirectly because of addiction. It could be alcohol, cigars and cigarettes, opiates and all sorts of other drugs, food, work, exercise, almost you name it and people die every year from not being able to stop!
But, let’s say you have decided to stop. It is not just a thought. You’re serious, desperate even to do whatever it takes to walk to hell and back. You’re broken, beaten, and destitute to end this mindless, painful journey.
What are the steps you must take to truly stop your addictive behavior? This is what I want to write about for the next few blogs. As mentioned, there is an entire assortment of addictions. Yet, the components for healing are similar for all addicts. The journey taken toward healing varies. There is no one way to recovery. That said, I am going to approach the healing journey with a 12-step approach.
So—you wake up one more day with one more hangover the day after acting out once again! It doesn’t matter what the addiction. Until the pain of acting out becomes intensely greater than the pain of stopping, you will just start all over again! Every addict knows this inside!
But let’s say you are there! Maybe you have lost everything that matters to you or maybe you didn’t. If you did, this is commonly referred to as “hitting bottom”. Addicts hit bottom all the time and then find a new bottom until they decide they have had enough.
The first step is to look yourself in the proverbial mirror and tell yourself you are done!. Then you need to tell someone else. Why? Because recovery requires accountability. You tell a partner, family member, friend, or anybody that you have a problem and you need help. When you are serious, this is probably the toughest thing you have ever done in your life. You are exposed by your own self-revelation. It’s likely others who care about you already know you have a problem.
A 2nd step, is to reach out for help. You need to go to a 12-step meeting. When you step across the threshold and see all of these people standing and sitting and looking at you, your first thought will be “Why am I here I feel absolutely emotionally naked”. Everyone knows that you are there because you have a problem. You are no longer an odd person out. You don’t immediately know it but in time you will unpack every detail of acting out you have ever done with help from the group to turn over every stone around your acting out. It will feel like torture. This is the reason many addicts are one and done! You’ll have to decide.
If you hang in there, you will slowly begin to expose your out-of-control behavior. You will tell the group about behaviors that hurt and embarrass you and people you care about. Often, this experience feels unbearable because you will say things to this group of strangers that you have never even admitted to yourself. Your share will feel like an eternity, even though you will have only spoken a few minutes. You will feel surprised that there was no reaction or judgment. No one made what you said a big deal. In truth, you experienced acceptance as they went to the next person who pretty much said the same thing you did.
When the hour was over, you want to get the hell out of there but someone comes up to you, shakes your hand with a warm smile, gives you some “stay sober” literature, tells you to get a sponsor and come a little earlier to the next meeting so they could tell you what the 12-step program is and what a sponsor is all about over coffee.
You walk away with warring thoughts. ‘These people are not like me”, you tell yourself. “I don’t want to let anyone I know find out I went to a meeting like this”. What you listened to in the meeting made sense but as you walk away shame walks with you screaming at you not to come back, “I can stop this by myself.”
This is the first war that you have to settle within— “Do I come back or isolate, hiding that I ever went to a meeting and just handle this by myself?”
Most addicts beginning recovery struggle with isolation, keeping everything to themselves. Accountability is a whole different ballgame that addicts never thought they would need to sign up for. Those who choose isolation simply go back to their old bag of tricks, sooner or later. Let’s just say you get over this hurdle and commit to showing up next time.
You have just taken your first two steps in the journey of a thousand miles ahead of you.
