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“Were entirely willing to have God remove these defects of character.” – Step 6
So you are able to admit that you are an addict. You told your deepest darkest secrets about acting out to a 12-step group. You struggled with a concept of God and are trusting your God anyway to bring you sanity. You turned the control of your life over to the care of God as you understand God. Then you went deep and got naked about your character defects and weaknesses. You admitted your shortcomings to your sponsor. Even polished your memory about your positive attributes. You’ve come a long way baby!
There are 12 steps and you’re on number 6 which is entirely willing to have God remove these character defects. “Willing” means amenable, eager to comply.
When it comes to Step 6, most addicts say one thing but do another. Now that you have admitted a long list of character defects in previous steps, what are you going to do about them?
There’s three parts to Step 6. One part is being entirely willing to ask for help regarding your character defect. Another part is figuring out what is meant to have God remove your character defects. A third part is the actual removal of your character defects.
Your sponsor tells you that many addicts working the Steps get stuck trying to accept the whole enchilada of Step 6 in one swallow. Those who do that choke and cough it up! Asking God to take away all your character defects is too much to engage prior to addressing your spirit and attitude of willingness. “Entirely willing” means you are at a place in your life where you are ready to do whatever it takes to transform your character defect. You gotta get to this place first!
It is common to recognize what needs to be changed without the motivation to embrace the transformation. So, review your list of character defects. Circle the ones you are not willing to change and star the ones you are ready to work on.
Step 6 requires deep emotional honesty. There’s no sense asking a Higher Power to remove something you have no intentions of letting go of! This is called bullshitting God and your sponsor!
Be ready to take three steps forward and two steps backward. The focus here is on progress and not perfection. You will never achieve perfection in your recovery around character flaws.
It is important to recognize what you are willing to work on and practice self acceptance about the flaws you are not ready to address. Some character defects create relapse and some don’t. You will need to have a come to Jesus meeting with your sponsor about your unwillingness regarding these character defects.
Twelve Step rooms are full of folk who are sober from alcohol but remain addicted to caffeine amidst the clouds of nicotine smoke.
Some addicts are more serious about addressing character defects than others. There are addicts who dig their heels in and protect their defects arguing they need to have some kind of vice or destructive behavioral habit. They can be sober but just miserable to live on. They do the “dry drunk” dance.
For many, sobriety from their drug of choice is the foundation and is enough for them. Building the infrastructure of relational intimacy with self and others is something they are not willing to do. So they hover around Step 6 and make little progress around flaws they are not entirely willing to work on.
Again, please do yourself a favor and admit what you do not intend to work on. Like the horse analogy, your sponsor can lead you to water but can’t make you drink. Only when you are thirsty, entirely willing, will you drink. Your sponsor will be a big help in sifting and sorting this step.
The 2nd part of Step 6 involves the “God” question. For those who are religious, this is not a question at all. There is a clear concept of God established through religious belief. For those who do not believe in God, the idea of asking for something from a source you don’t believe in is troublesome. It is helpful to seek support from a Source of your understanding.
Twelve Step work is not a doctrinaire insisting one believe in God. Your determination of whom you ask for help is your personal journey. Many who deny the existence of God and spirituality find help elsewhere! It could be the collective conscious of a group you choose to trust. Some find support through the energy in the world and within themselves. The clarifying position is that when you are stuck, admit it and ask whatever source that makes sense for help. Your sponsor can walk alongside you and guide you in this journey.
The 3rd part of Step 6 is the removal of your character defect. Some character defects are removed and some are not. That’s just my reality. It’s sort of like cancer. Some people are healed and some are not. How could I say it differently? What I do experience is that character defects that are not removed can be transformed and that reconstruction is more powerful than having the flaw removed in the first place! Cravings are changed from curses to blessings when addicts connect to their feelings and learn what the legitimate need is that must be met with a nurturing connection.
So there you have it! Your long journey home has brought you to the way caterpillars become butterflies through the 12 Steps.
