Misunderstanding is not the End of the World

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Everyone has been misunderstood—not just once but often every day about something. To be misunderstood is painfully triggering. How could someone conclude that about me! They don’t know who I am or what’s going on inside me! If they only knew they would apologize. But, they didn’t and they don’t. 

When I was attending college my academic advisor was the head of the business department. It seemed that every time I met with him I heard him emphasize to me “Wells you are a nine to fiver! Just make your way through college, graduate, and go back home and make a living. Academics are simply not for you and you won’t be anything special.” That’s the message I received.  I knew he did not know the fire that burned inside me then and still does! It felt so hurtful and discouraging to be misunderstood. Then it shaped my belief about myself and became an obstacle that took years to overcome. 

Can you think of recent times when you were misunderstood and it galled you that someone made a decision about you, big or small, that was incorrect? When this happens there are so many emotional BTU’s that   ignite inside your thinking process. 

Other people’s actions toward you often dictate your reaction. Emotionally, it is easy to give away your power to someone else’s statement and behavior. The tendency is to treat the hurtful person in the same way you felt hurt by them. 

When someone attacks you, it is wise to consider the source before you react. Do you really need to convince the other person of what you see? Or might it not be enough just to escape the situation with your own piece of mind intact? Don’t let them push your buttons. The one trying to get you angry wants to control you. If you meet a negative approach positively, you’re not letting the climate get out of your hands. Here are a few steps to take when misunderstood.

1. It is in letting go that you are truly present. Addressing misunderstanding requires that you be present to yourself. It is difficult to be present to what you know about yourself when there is outside pressure from a boss or an otherwise influential person who has made an inaccurate conclusion about you. To be present means that you have to practice Step 3 of the 12-Step program which is to let go and surrender what other people think or believe about you. It’s not easy, but doable.

2. Meditate, don’t medicate. If you think I’m a piece of shit I tend to want to eat a donut. Throughout my lifetime there have been many people who have made negative conclusions about me. I am human and it hurts. I have learned to overcome what others think of me with the art of meditation. Focusing on being in my body, my breath, my feelings, and my thoughts opens up the reality that who I am is like the sky with infinite possibilities unknown! Meditating on positive deep belief about myself always overcomes others’ opinions and buoys my spirit and guides my vision and actions toward others. No one is perfect with this discipline. Yet, when misunderstood, meditate on self-affirmation and don’t medicate in an attempt to escape the pain of being misunderstood. 

3. Act on the belief you tell yourself about you. If you tell yourself that you are a healing energy of forgiveness and love, be forgiving of others. Forgiveness simply means to let go of another’s action or attitude toward you and not hold it against that person. It is never one and done. It is a continual process. Walk toward your destiny. Throw your shoulders back. Listen to the brilliance that wells up within you. Even when deeply hurt do not be deterred. Just take the next right step with a smile of personal approval that stokes your deep belief in who you are. It’s the secret to overcoming any and all misunderstandings. Embrace the deep belief that you are an unrepeatable miracle of the universe, even when others misunderstand you! It will quietly fuel brilliance in all you say and do.

By the way, I recently returned to the university that I received my “9 to 5” business degree to attend a 50-year reunion. When there I visited the business department that was now named after my infamous academic advisor who is now deceased. I borrowed a room and read a letter to his spirit that underscored my deep belief in who I am and gave back the shame that I wrestled with for decades.  Belief in who you are always trumps the misunderstanding of others.