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It’s pretty normal to get caught up in the adrenaline rush of achievement. When you listen to others who have overcome unbelievable obstacles toward creating accomplishment, it triggers the desire to do the same. It fuels excitement, inspiration, and motivation to transform what someone else did into what you can do. It’s a way in which we can feed off each other. Amazing results have been the result of this energy exchange! Who wouldn’t want to be a winner with all the excitement?
However, in our culture, we have an obsession with winning all the time.
Winning is the pinnacle of meaning in life. Winning is everything! Anything short of winning is disdained and to be forgotten. Yet, as life unfolds, a common experience is that we learn more from our mistakes, failures, and losses than our successes and achievements.
There are many whose performance is stellar and outstanding on the scoreboard of their professional life. Yet, the disparity of behavior away from their performance at work sabotages their life with addiction and other destructive behaviors. Trained to be champions in their field of endeavor, they know a lot about success but very little about the value of everyday living. They know a lot about being a champion on the scoreboard in their profession but have lost themselves and know very little about who they are away from their professional playing field.
In the beginning, you just want success, however it is defined. But in the end, the scoreboard mentality overwhelms, and rather than you chasing the brass ring, the tables are turned and it begins to chase you. Like a pack of wolves chasing someone through the woods that keeps nipping at the heels, you keep trying to reach for that hit one more time, while trying to keep the pack of wolves at bay. The thinking is: “I’m so close—yet so far away. I want to climb the hill just one more time.” It’s never sustainable. It only lasts but for a brief fleeting moment. Many scoreboard champions who come to see me are left with the wreck and ruin of addiction’s devastation and emptiness inside even though outside they are lauded for their successes.
Here are a few things to consider:
1. Don’t get lost in compete and compare. Comparing is how people get lost and only fulfill a shadow of who they really are! It leads to zero-sum living. One person’s gain or loss is predicated on the loss or gain of others. It is like taking a larger piece of cake and reducing the amount of cake available to others. It reduces life to winners and losers. Winners are those who work hard enough and want to win bad enough. Losers are everybody else. When being a winner makes someone else a loser, life becomes “us” versus “them.” It fuels a crab mentality, which is a kind of selfish, short-sighted thinking that concludes, “If I can’t have it, neither can you.” We can absolutize the world into winners and losers; good guys and the bad guys—and we’re always the good guys. Focusing on winning and losing becomes a barrier to understanding that each person is an unrepeatable miracle of the universe. Within each of us is this unknown creative energy identified as inner brilliance that is unpredictable and immeasurable.
2. People who learn to believe in who they are find meaningfulness in everyday living. When you focus on belief in who you are versus what you do or accomplish meaningfulness in all of life begins to flower. The common threads of everyday living often involve struggle, suffering, and mundane moments. What can be easily overlooked is the clever intelligence, the talent for creative inventiveness, and the astute intuitive perception that lies within folks who are common and who do not compete for results. These are folks who live ordinary average lives. For winners and losers alike, the challenge is to find the brilliance in the unspectacular—the breeding ground for all human brilliance.
3. Find the brilliance in your own heart. It’s always enough! It’s what makes who you are unrepeatable. Some think of inner brilliance as that which is divine. It is bottomless. No one has ever plumbed the depths of their own inner brilliance. There you will connect to the inner guidance you need to do the next right thing. It is the place that connects to the energy of all that surrounds you. It is the place to give birth and foster growth in the belief of who you are which unfolds what you do.
4. Create positive affirmations about your sense of being—less about what you do: examples—“I am an unrepeatable miracle of the universe” / “I radiate respect” / “I am safe just being me” / “I am good enough just as I am” / “I express my self-confidence and self-worth” / “I am pleased with my appearance” / “I am glad to be me”. Affirmations are the most grounding experience you do to grow self-belief. To be a heart champion you must water your spirit with positive realizations of who you are.
5. Practice the fundamental basics of self-care. Don’t forget Mickey Mantle’s words about failure. He once remarked “During my 18 years of major league baseball I came to bat almost 10,000 times. I struck out about 1,700 times and walked another 1,800 times. You figure a ball player will have about 500 at-bats a season. That means I played seven years without ever hitting the ball.” Mantle’s authentic willingness to connect with his intimate battle with failure forced him to practice the fundamental basics of self-care. Surrender and acceptance of results are important steps to self-care. Learn it well!
The deeper you descend into the understanding of your own self-belief, the less you will grasp toward the importance of outer results. Like the guy who knows how to fight, the more you know about the self-belief in who you are, the less you care about what others think about what you do.
