Shame Tracks in Recovery

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Last week I traveled to McCall Idaho with my wife to sit with our granddaughter while my son and his wife hiked in the wilderness.  They navigated 23 miles of spring runoff on the Minam River in pack rafts. At the beginning of the hike, they noticed fresh mountain lion and wolf tracks typical to the area that triggered their attention. This sparked my attention to consider shame tracks that show up every day in recovery from addiction. 

You wake up in the morning and things feel routine as you slip into the everyday habits and patterns of your life. Then you are confronted with painful feelings of shame. Often when it grips you, it goes unrecognized. It can be a slow dawning of awareness that blankets you. No one knows but there are flooding thoughts of unworthiness, inadequacy, and insecurity hidden underneath the routine behaviors of your everyday living. Or, it could be like a slap in the face or someone pulling the rug out from under you. You not only see the tracks of the mountain lion called shame but the lion has you pinned on the ground ready to devour you!

You can be triggered by the lyrics of a song, something someone said or a flashback memory. There are a myriad of possibilities that trigger shame. Everyone experiences triggers from shame tracks. 

Addicts who are inflamed with shame are in danger of acting out with their drug of choice. Anything to get away from this dreaded experience!
Shame ignites a cluster of feelings.  Regret, remorse, guilt, self-disgust, sadness, disappointment, vulnerability, even panic, among other emotional experiences. 

Human beings are wired to embrace every emotion ever provoked and then to allow the emotion to flow through conscious awareness. As you embrace the emotion which means to simply feel it without trying to escape, the emotion passes through conscious awareness so you can let go of it. Of course, some emotions are intense regarding eventful experiences and it takes several passes to clear the emotion. 

There are many different feelings and ways to embrace feelings throughout the course of a day. The embrace and release of intense unwanted feelings like shame occur many times throughout the day. We are wired this way. 
 
Shame aggravates intense painful feelings that become like a knot that ties you down and dominates you. Shame intimidates with self-loathsome thoughts and feelings. For addicts, shame triggers vulnerability toward acting out. 

However, you don’t have to be dominated by shame. You must create an environment of humility, not humiliation. Humility’s wisdom says “In God’s grace those who have relapsed into addiction or who have never known a moment of recovery from their addiction is who I am”. The “who I am” part is the common thread of feeling shame that dominates everyone, addict or not.  Humility does not suggest that you forget the painful feelings of failure.  Yet, shame is transformed into compassion when you place the shame on hurtful behavior and direct it away from your sense of self. Humiliation is transformed into humility by accepting your common shared brokenness with all human beings. Then just practice living there one day at a time.

It is important to recognize that the point of power in addressing shame is the present moment. You cannot live your recovery life forward or backward.  It is only in the context of today that you know peace. It is all you have and always will have.

Regret is such a hassle! It is frequently attached to the dynamic of shame. It’s human reality triggered by wrong choices. That said, you cannot afford the luxury of wallowing in it. You can’t run from it. You must lean into it, embrace all your regrets, and uncover meaningfulness. It is a spiritual transaction. You will find more enlightenment by embracing the present moment than if you were a brilliant historian or a gifted psychic who could predict the future. The waters of wisdom cascade to you in the present moment.

The tracks of shame can lead you to a trap of self-disgust that destroys confidence. Or, it can lead you to deeper empathy and compassion for yourself and others. Only when you understand and are able to recognize the shame tracks in front of you will you be successful with shame management.