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Step 3—Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
“If light is in your heart, you will find your way home.” — Rumi
For most addicts, the light went out a long time ago. They just think they can depend on themselves to find the light switch. But your willfulness gets in the way! Willful is another word for being stubborn. To be stubborn is helpful when it comes to things like finishing a crossword puzzle or struggling to complete a college degree. It is not helpful when you are smashing your head against a brick wall! The brick wall is your addiction. Most addicts are stubborn or willful about surrendering to a Higher Power or asking for help. The underlying truth is that you are afraid.
Step 3 is about the phrase “turning over” your life to God. It means to let go. Let go of everything you have been depending upon to keep your life together. It means to depend upon a Power greater than your ego.
It’s not like you’ve been very good at it. A mirror would tell you that! Letting go of everything involves a plunge and a free fall. No one easily signs up for a free fall. It’s that uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach when on a roller coaster your stomach ends up in your mouth as the coaster cavorts and yanks you up and down over the tracks.
Step 3 can only be transformative when you get out of your comfort zone. It’s like getting out of a warm bed on a cold morning only more intense. It requires that you embrace discomfort as a lifestyle. You must let go of what you have counted on to give you relief.
Your best thinking got you into your misery of addictive behavior. Letting go means to let someone else call the shots! Who does that? For sure, not an addict! This is your dilemma! It’s not forever. But, it is for now! Getting your out-of-control life in balance again will require that you allow God, as you understand the concept, to take control and that you live in consultation with a 12-step group. No longer do you depend upon yourself. It is now required that you establish accountability with a group of people who have screwed up their life just like you.
You tell yourself that it’s OK to include God or others as consultants but turning your entire life over is a problem! Like the guy who fell off the ledge at the Grand Canyon and grabbed a branch of a tree sticking out of the canyon wall 10 feet down. He asks God to help him only to hear a commanding voice say “Let go”. He prayerfully asks is there anyone else up there. Letting go of all that you have depended upon is so difficult and uncomfortable. Your recovery requires that you live right there! It means that you surrender an everyday life commitment. Like most addicts, you find this Step unbelievably difficult, annoying, and in your face daily!
You tell your sponsor that this is too much! Not the first time you have said that about recovery. He tells you to make a list of all the things you struggle to let go of in your life. You tell him it would be a much shorter list if you made a list of things that are not a struggle to let go. He tells you after you make your list that he will work with you to let go of one at a time.
This is where your 12-step community comes into play. The reason you have been attending 90 meetings in 90 days is to learn what it means to let go, surrender, and turn your life over to the care of a Higher Power that you understand, even if that Higher Power is the group itself!
Living in consultation is hard and you fail many times. Mostly, because you don’t want anyone else particularly a Higher Power to suggest what you should do about your life.
Underneath your resistance is a long chain of character flaws and defects that you must uncover and address. You will do this in Step 4 as well as recognize the strengths that will help you transform your addiction from a curse to a blessing. Every day requires that you anchor yourself in understanding that addiction makes your life unmanageable and that you are powerless, not helpless to address it alone. You must believe that there is a power greater than your ego that will generate peace and sane living.
Each day will require practice and conditioning to turn your life over to that power. It’s an everyday practice—not perfection—that forms a map for your long journey home.
